4th of July

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Four years ago I was at the point in my life where I was done looking for love. I was tired of dating, drinking, and drooling just to be turned down, let down, or brought down. I was living in a one bedroom apartment within crawling distance of a popular gay bar yet I just couldn’t bring myself to meet a guy in bar. I had realized already there’s something dishonest about mixing potential romantic interludes with alcoholic beverages. And perhaps, if not dishonest, then far too revealing. Either way it was just not my scene. I made an agreement with myself that I would not meet another man in a bar so I had tried flirting at the grocery store, the library, and even the Gap. That’s when I realized I’m no good at flirting.

They say that love finds you when and where you least expect it. They never mentioned anything about loving and respecting yourself before you can love and respect anyone else. I think, through some of the coming out process and the whole growing up bit, I never realized who I was or why I should love myself. I just knew what it meant to try and please other people and be what others expected me to be. Meeting Jerald was not at all expected. Falling in love with Jerald equally as unexpected.

In theory, Independence Day really doesn’t sound like it would be the best day to have as any sort of anniversary, given that the day celebrates the day the United States adopted the Declaration of Independence, free from the reign of Great Britain. Independent. Self-Sufficient. Non-reliant.

New. The United States, independent from Britain could make up new rules and in the spirit of that tradition, when Jerald and I met four years ago, we started something new. Sure I agree, not nearly the same as the Declaration of Independence but we did establish boundaries, expectations, and rules and as our relationship developed we determined how we would communicate and love one another honestly, following an unwritten constitution we both agreed upon and, while it sounds terribly cliché, there truly were fireworks the night we met.