Being gay is not about what I do in bed – it’s about what I do out of it

I have reason to be bothered by the fact that there are “high profile” gays in the LGBT community who have the ability to dictate our reputation. Some of these men and women deserve respect, while others simply turn against the LGBT community, misrepresenting what the “gay movement” is really about.

While I often admire Dan Savage for his influence in the community, he disappointed me last night on Real Time with Bill Maher saying, “as the only cock sucker on the panel,” as introduction to the discussion of gay marriage. While I can appreciate and embrace shock value, it is important to keep in mind that gay “spokespersons” are responsible for representing the reasons why we should be entitled to marry instead of bringing the sexual acts of homosexuals into the minds of those who already have fear and hate for gays. Ironically, Amy Holmes, was also on the panel. So either Dan outed her as lesbian (who knows) or she’s never had her lips around a penis (I’m not going to presume anything). But I’m tired of “cock-sucking” being just about gays. It isn’t.

“High profile” gays become, for some impressionable youth, an idol or a mentor. They are also often the only role models for youth questioning their sexual identity. Because they have made themselves (or been made) publicly visible, youth attempt to identify with them. There are so many better role models for gay youngsters who aren’t provided the opportunity or platform to express the myriad of reasons why identifying yourself as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgendered is okay.

Comments, like the ones made by Dan, are distracting to the gay movement, perpetuating stereotypes. What we as a community seek has nothing to do with the type of sexual behavior we participate in. It does have to do with equality and obtaining the same civil rights as heterosexuals. I just long for better examples for heterosexuals and youth in need of role models. The decision to come out is a difficult one. Anything we can do to prevent the misrepresentation of the LGBT community is needed. Being gay is not about what I do in bed – it’s about what I do out of it.